All done.

Here I am, it's eleven months later, & I'm finished with school. It amazes me to look back a year ago & think about how much everything has changed since then. I knew it would go by quickly, but I really felt like the last few weeks were in sped-up time, rushing toward me all blurry.
Because the program is only complete after you go to school for 1500 hours (& not, say, for a certain number of days or whatever), I had to go to school on Tuesday for 2 hours & 15 minutes. It was my birthday that day, too, but I wasn't really thinking about that (which isn't really like me: I've been known to put up countdown calendars to my own birthday) because getting done with school was so much bigger. They didn't give me any clients that morning, so I just wandered around. My last client at school was on Friday. She was getting a relaxer (the last one I had to do) & had nearly waist-length hair. The relaxer wasn't so hard to do, but contending with all her hair did make it a little challenging. Then I blew it out straight which took about an hour & a half. It really was a lot of hair. I was telling her about my upcoming cross-country trip & she asked if I was good at driving through the night. I said no, not really (though Adam is). About mid-way through her blowout, she said, "If you can do this, you can drive all night." Not true, but nice of her to say so anyhow.
It was strange saying good-bye to everyone that morning, as it always is when you leave a job or school. And strange because they're all still there: Michelle, Sunshine, Amber (Mercedes graduated just before I did, having missed no days at all), doing what we've all done every day, it's just that I'm not there anymore. They'll all be done in about a month & I'll go back for their graduations. I don't know if these friendships will last. They were built mainly on the fact that we were all in the same building all day long. I like to think we'll stay in touch, but I know that out in the real world, we have almost nothing in common. Still, though, I will try to stay in contact with at least the four of them. Obviously it was more than just proximity that made us friends or I would have had the same level of friendship with every single person there.
I'm going to leave this blog up, though this is the last post I'll do. I am going to disconnect it from my Facebook account so I can friend people from school now (they all pestered me about it all the way through school & it became a joke that I turned down everyone's requests).
I'm one of the lucky few leaving school with a job lined up: starting May 24 (after I get back from our trip), I'll be at DB Sutton & Co in Chapel Hill. I am beyond! excited! to be starting work! So come find me there! Looky, here's the website: http://www.dbsutton.com/) I am also lucky in that everyone who works there is super spiffy & nice & talented & supportive. Truly, I won the jackpot on this one.
So, I guess that's it. I don't really know how to end this except to thank you readers out there. I've never done this before & it was always nice & fun & interesting to get your comments & know that someone was out there reading all this. I've enjoyed writing it, though I was dreadfully slack about it most of the time, & I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Can it really be?

I had my last full day of school on Friday. It's hard to believe that I really am pretty much done. I'll be at my internship tomorrow & then two hours and fifteen minutes of school on Tuesday & then...that's it!
It's been a hectic last few weeks. I was moved into a small room with only eight stations that the school decided to run more as a salon: people could make appointments to see us, we were expected to complete our appointments within a certain amount of time, & there was less supervision from the teachers. In the rest of the school, you're required to get an instructor at the beginning of the service to get their guidance & then they check your work at the end (&, depending upon how experienced you were & what you were doing, they may have been there at least periodically through the service). In the little room, you started on your own & the end-check was minimal. It was an experiment; we were the first group to do this. I think it worked well, especially in terms of what they wanted to achieve, which was to get us more used to have one client after another.
It was a hectic rush to get all my requirements done. You have to do a perm or relaxer on 20 clients & we just don't really get that many. The school ran a lot of specials to get clients in &, with the help of a Jheri curl (!!!) that I did on Thursday (which got me signed of for a perm and a relaxer), I finished everything by noon on Friday. Now I'm just putting in my last few hours.
I had my graduation on Friday. To call it a graduation or a ceremony is giving it more weight than I guess it really warrants. At 8:30, we have roll call. Every morning, all 70 or so students who are on the floor (not in the freshman room) crowd into the small classroom at the back of the building. Depending on who is calling roll, it can take anywhere from 3 to 10 minutes. When there's a graduation, it happens back there after roll call. This week, I was the only graduate. I asked Adam to come (which ended up being logistically difficult & it's only thanks to Amy Ruth & her generosity with her car that we were both able be there!) so the two of us were at the back of the room together when my name was called on the roll & everyone clapped & cheered for me, which was really nice. Then at the end of roll call, they said there was a graduate & that it was me. Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I am terrified of public speaking. I mean heart-pounding, palm-sweating, dizzy, fuzzy-vision-type terror. But I knew that I had things I wanted to say so I had been secretly practicing them in the hope that I'd be able to get through it. They announced what my superlative was (everyone gets one) & as I let go of Adam's hand & headed to the front of the room, I heard them say, "Most Consistent Student!" And I thought, man, that's a boring one. I mean, it's good to be consistent, but...yawn. Then I got to the front & they handed me the certificate that said Most Artistic Student. Better, less boring, & what I consider to be the Weird Girl Award. I think they give it to the students who maybe they don't quite know what to make of. Like, artistic = odd. So, ok! That's good! Then a few of my teachers kinda awkwardly said a few things about me & then it was my turn. And I was so nervous! Gah! But I tried to pull myself together & make my little speech. And I did! Without fainting! And I thanked everyone, especially Adam (which was the main reason I wanted to say anything at all). I don't really remember what I said. It's all very fuzzy. Adam tells me I blew a kiss to the room at the end, which I guess would either seem sweet or a bit dotty. Artistic, maybe. And then I was done speaking & all I could see was Adam there at the back of the room, everyone else really was just a faceless blur. So I went straight to him. And that was the end of graduation. The whole thing from start to finish was maybe ten minutes, if that. I wish I could remember better what I said, but I really don't. A few people said it made them get teary, so maybe it was good! Some of my friends had gotten me a cake & balloons & things like that, so we had a little celebration later on, after I finished my last relaxer (possibly ever).
I really can't believe it's all over & that after Tuesday morning at 10:45, I won't be going back there anymore.

If someone asks, this is where I'll be.

There's something to be said for starting over. For being, at 40, an absolute beginner. I've always thought that it's useful to have the experience of being an only: the only woman in a room full of men; the only white person at an event attended by an otherwise all-black audience; the only something, somewhere. Suddenly becoming a minority has the effect of making you understand a little those who live their lives as minorities. Starting over feels analogous to that: being a beginner makes me remember all the other times I was ever finding my way through something new, makes me admire & appreciate the people who have mastered the skills I'm learning now, has me looking forward to the day when I feel equal to whatever task might be set before me. Not, however, imagining a day when *poof* I'm all done learning! Because I hope & imagine that that day never comes.

We're not the new ones out on the floor anymore: the next class has just come out of the classroom. So we've been moved along the wall to our new stations. It's a point of pride to not be on the first wall anymore, a point that only the students know, not the clients. I have a station with more than twice the storage space of my old one, so now each day does not end doing a puzzle called Fit All These Oddly-Shaped Items Into This Very Cramped Cabinet. It was awful. If I got something wrong, sometimes I had to pull it all out & start over. Like a Rubik's Cube, only less fun. And I never liked Rubik's Cubes, so I didn't think they were very fun in the first place. But at least I never had to try to do one down on my knees in bits of cut hair.
I still feel like a stranger in a strange land, when the people around me talk about how prohibitively expensive taxidermy is or how many tanning minutes they have left or how they wish they'd gotten a wedding dress with camouflage on it (I swear I am not making any of this up). I am in the minority here & how. But I find that it doesn't matter as much as it might. I have my little group of friends: Amber, Mercedes, Michelle, & (you all saw this coming, right?) Sunshine. We eat lunch together, study together, sit together during class. Our stations all used to be very close together & mostly they still are, except Sunshine is way up front away from the rest of us. She waves sadly sometimes & we all wave back. We're a funny group, a mishmash: Mercedes is the youngest, she's 20, but by far the most steady & mature. And also possibly the most skilled of all of us. She's a tall, sturdy black girl with amazing cheekbones, a truly radiant smile, & the biggest most fabulous head of natural hair you have ever seen. Amber is 25, tall & skinny, a pretty tomboy with two kids & a part-time job a Food Lion. She's my closest friend there & I truly adore her. She's also impossibly goofy. She & Mercedes are what make my days. And the two of them together are hilarious, like an improbable sitcom. Michelle is 23, angel-faced & blonde, with a five year old daughter. She's funny & smarter than you'd think at first. Possibly the prettiest girl in the school, she & I are always being given men's haircuts to do, to the point where it's a joke between us. I always imagine the men, mostly old timers who appreciate the $6 price of our haircuts, are elated when they see her coming to get them. And Sunshine, well now, Sunshine: she's 34, very tan, the mother of two teenage girls. She's from Tennessee & her accent is like nothing I've ever heard. She's tough & loyal & funny & she knows how to work hard & hustle a little if needed (she has business cards she gives out, so people can ask for her again, though her name is pretty easy to remember without a card). I feel pretty certain that if someone said anything against me or tried to do wrong by me, these girls would be right there if I needed them. Certainly Mercedes & especially Amber have been there for me when I had some truly rotten days. So while I'll never feel like I fit in, I have what I need: people who I like, who like me, with whom I pass the time & share my days.
(That photo at the top is totally unrelated to anything in this post: it's just an updo that I did on my mannequin & liked enough to take a picture of.)

They call me Nature Girl.

Before I get started with the rest of this post, I want to thank everyone who wrote me after the last one, "You're too smart for that." Some of you commented here, some on Facebook, some of you emailed me, & some of you talked to me. I guess it struck a chord with a lot of you, which is gratifying to me as...a writer? Or whatever you want to call what I do here. I tried to answer everything, but I'm not sure that I did, so I wanted to say how much I appreciated hearing from everyone. Now, back to our irregularly scheduled blah blah...

The desire to change me has stepped up among my fellow students. At least once a week, someone suggests that I a. grow my bangs long, b. highlight my hair, c. wear more eye makeup, &/or d. grow my nails longer. I look around & realize what they mean is: look like us. I am the only one there with what I think of as real bangs (above my eyebrows), possibly the only one who is wearing lipstick, & among a very few with only my natural haircolor (virgin hair, it's called, when there are no chemicals in it), minimal eye makeup, & short nails. Now, I'm not opposed to change (& have in fact cut my hair from below shoulder-length to a short bob since I've been there) & I'm not saying that I would never do any of these things (well, I'm not going to grow long nails because I think they're icky), but these suggestions do seem to come from a place of conformity. One girl, who I like for the most part, touched my hair & called me "Nature Girl" because I wasn't wearing hair spray. Nature Girl! Now, I consider that as something of a compliment, which I don't think is how she meant it. This same girl offered to fix my hair on class picture day (Glamour Shots-style pictures, no lie) & when I said, "No, this is how I like my hair," she replied, "Messy & poufy?" I thought about it for a minute & then said, "Well, actually, yeah. That describes what I like pretty well." I guess the implication is that I couldn't possibly look the way I do on purpose, I couldn't have put any thought into it. I'm just accidentally filing my nails down & too lazy to highlight my hair. I have noticed that especially among students who have been there for a while, there are very strong trends. For a while, everyone (& by everyone, I mean about ten or twelve girls) had extremely bleached out bobs, some with a peek-a-boo color (meaning a darker or brighter color on the underneath layer of their hair). Now they're all going with a dark reddish brown. I think it takes a strong sense of self to resist the constant pressure to change. We'll see how I do.
I had a really delightful client on Friday. She was a pleasure to talk to, interesting & funny, & she had lovely hair. I'm not complaining about the other people I've had, but it was really refreshing to have someone who I could kinda relate to. She looked good when I was done (color & cut) & said she'd ask for me the next time she came back & bring her sons in for haircuts, too, so I'm hoping I just got my first repeat customer lined up.
I'm also cutting hair at home (or at other people's homes) & practicing blowouts on whoever will let me. It's nice to be free from the eyes of the teachers; with some things I might miss their guidance, but I'm trying to be aware of my limitations & work within them. I'm not going to try to do anything on my own that I'm not pretty sure of. I've appreciated how patient everyone is with me (I'm not doing anything fast at this point) & that they trust me enough to let me at their heads. I've gotten support in a million different ways since I started this, from Adam who helped me decide & take the leap & get started & who gets up in the morning with me, to David who invited me to come observe at his salon, to the people who read this & let me know what they think. Those of you who let me practice on you are giving me another kind of support. I can't thank any of you enough.

You're too smart for that.

Before I quit my job to start school, I had worked in what I'll call the book industry for about 20 years. I got my first bookstore job in the summer of 1989, after my freshman year of college. With the exception of a few brief periods totalling about a year & a half where I worked at a clothing store, a record store, & as a full-time art class model, I worked in bookstores until 2001. Then I worked in publishing, then back to a bookstore, then back to publishing until now, 2010. I never felt like my identity was tied up in my job, but I have realized that, in a way, it was. Not with any specific job, but part of how I thought about myself was as someone who worked with books. The world of books & reading has always been a huge part of my existence. I'm the younger of two children & I can remember realizing that everyone in the house could read...except me. And it killed me! So I learned as fast as I could & I haven't slowed down since. Working with books seemed the most natural career for me to have because reading was definitely the thing I spent most of my spare time doing. And it still is.
When you tell people that you work with books, they seem to assume, right or wrong, that you're smart. They at least assume that you read. So I considered the possible change in people's perception of me when I decided to make this move. About 98% of the time when I told someone I was planning to go to beauty school, they said, "That's perfect!" or "I can totally see you doing that!" or things of that nature. But two people responded in the way that I feared. One of them said something like, "Hunh...THAT'S what you want to do?" with the implication that it was a strange move for me. The other person (a very smart woman, I should add), actually said,"You're too smart for that." She backtracked pretty quickly & admitted that the stylists in the salon where we both went were all very smart & quite well-educated people. But I had seen what her first response was. In a nutshell: that's not a career for smart people. Which I then extrapolate to: when people meet me, will they not think I'm smart anymore? It seems a funny brand of shallowness for me to worry about this, but I do.

Stranger in a strange land.

It's surprising to me how long it's taking me to feel at home. In some ways I did pretty soon, but in other ways I still feel alien. Part of it is how little I have in common with everyone I've met (I think I've found one of the few spots in North America where being a brunette puts me in the minority). It's the lack of a shared aesthetic that always strikes me. There's the occasional overlap, but for the most part I admire different things than my fellow students. I think many of them think I'm drab or odd (or both); it's been suggested that I highlight my hair, grow my bangs longer, & wear more makeup. Among my friends, I think I wear more makeup than nearly all of them & probably do more to my hair, too (well, maybe not that part: I wash it nightly, dry it, & sleep on it). But I am in a different world now & my red lipstick is not enough.
I've been out on the floor working on real clients for two weeks now. We still work on our mannequin heads, too. There are about 60 or 70 students & not enough clients for everyone, plus there are things we have to practice that few people come in & ask for (curse you, finger waves!). Everyone I've had so far has been either nice or neutral. The oldest people are the friendliest. I haven't made any terrible mistakes, though I have had some mishaps:

• When I was putting the cape on my first hair client, I accidentally touched her breast. Then I took her to the sink where I...
• ...sprayed water on the teacher who was supervising me.
• During the first haircut I gave with scissors, I cut my finger & was too embarrassed to say anything to the woman. I hope I didn't bleed in her hair. I don't think I did.
• Trying to clip closely behind a man's ear, I cut him & he started to bleed a little. Sorry, sir. I hope that didn't hurt too much.

I've had plenty of bright moments, too, though:

• After I very carefully did a color retouch on an older man who very exactly knew exactly what he wanted & exactly how he wanted it done, he praised me to the supervising teacher.
• I told a very old woman, who was not my client but was under a dryer nearby & asked me a question, that she had beautiful blue eyes. She covered her face & said, "No, no, I'm so ugly, I hate to even come out." I told her she was wrong & that she was pretty & had truly beautiful eyes (all true) & she looked so happy & as though she might cry.
• A friend of mine came in for a haircut & he was the first client I've had where I didn't get intensely nervous & sweaty while working on him. And since then, I haven't again. It was also overwhelmingly nice to talk to someone with whom I have things in common. Thanks, Skip!

I'm at the point where school will stay pretty much the same until I'm done. What will change the most is how much I feel able to do & how much supervision I get. I feel like I have a gazillion miles to go, but when I look back to three months ago, I feel like I've come pretty far already, too.

Things I have overheard.

Let's listen in on my fellow students...

"After I had him arrested, he didn't bother me anymore."

"I'm going to a different tanning salon next time. My tan isn't popping like it should."

"I don't plan to support myself! First I'll depend on my daddy, then on my boyfriend, then on my husband, & then if he leaves, back to my daddy."
(This one, this one...hoo, boy. I nearly had a feminist stroke right there on the floor.)

"They don't let us look at our phones here, but when I'm working, I'm going to have my phone out the whole time."

"I only have to spend two weekends in jail."

"Did you just say that your half-sister is younger than your daughter?"
"Yeah."